I saw a post a while back which said that demisexuality was a normal thing, and was not, indeed, deserving of a special name.
Now. Emotions are normal. Having emotions tie into other aspects of your personality is normal.
So- if your sex drive is attached to your emotions, that’s normal. If…
You’re not just wrong…and being really fucking condescending…you’ve handed me the perfect metaphor with which to demonstrate how you’re wrong.
Yes, most people have emotions tied up with sex, just like most people have emotions tied up with food.
The distinction is in the direction of the relationship. Most people do not need to have a particular emotional state evoked in order to even feel hungry. Most people do not, for instance, need to be emotionally attracted to a waffle before they want to eat the waffle, before they want to have anything physically to do with the waffle.
Likewise, for most people, it’s fair to say that sex is tied up with emotions. Sexual attraction, physical contact, and sex itself evokes and mediates all kinds of emotion. Most people (probably, I think) engage in emotional decision-making about sexual activity. But most people do not need to be emotionally attracted to a specific person in a very specific way in order to feel any physical/sexual attraction or desire at all.
This, for instance, is a conversation that I have constantly:
Other woman, about actor/model/random person: Ooh, isn’t he sexy?
Me: I don’t know. I have no idea.
It’s not just that different things are aesthetically pleasing to me than what’s considered conventionally attractive, although that’s true as well. It’s that I have zero sexual or physical attraction to any person, regardless of external visual attractiveness, without some kind of emotional arousal. I must be emotionally attracted first.
Also, sex drive is not sexual attraction. Lots of factors, including emotion, can dampen or enhance sex drive in any given circumstances, no matter your pattern of attraction. Sex drive is not your pattern of sexual attraction.
Now, if you meant that demisexuality is “normal,” as in “demisexuality is a naturally occurring variant that has probably always existed within the range of possibilities of human sexual identity and is not deviant or pathological in any way,” then I’d agree with you. But if you really mean “normal” as in “this is actually how most people work sexually and you’re being unnecessarily nitpicky about needing a special identity label,” then, you’re wrong. I’ve lived long enough and seen enough to know—and my pattern recognition is fierce—that most people’s pattern of sexual attraction and response is not the same as mine. Because most people’s pattern of sexual attraction is depicted on television, in movies, in stories, in advertising, in popular music, in the way that common dating practices are set up, in the way that other people talk to and about each other, in the relationship expectations that other people talk about and demonstrate.
I’ve seen the way that most other people work, and I’ve tried, and I don’t.